Wandering Hearts.

It's not that we're not independent, but we all wish for the right person to appear at the right time for us to depend on.We've been let down so many times by the ppl we thought were good for us. So much so, most of us have had built an invisible shield around ourselves, sometimes so thick just to have a sense of security not to let ourselves get hurt again.

But in the midst of the protection we build around us, there are no other ppl, just us alone. We choose to be alone rather than put ourselves at risk, but deep inside we desire companionship, we desire love, romance and a sense of well being.

It is the predicament that we put ourselves in that frustrates us most and most of us go on in life just wishing that someone, somebody or THE ONE can break through our shield and sweep us off our feet, to satisfy our every needs and to make us happy again.

Our hearts are protected but our desires, our dreams and our true self restrained, trapped by the harsh storms of reality, disappointments and regrets.

Some die happy, some die searching, some die wounded but how many live with the courage to chase their own happiness?

Mojo @ Bangi

It's 10.22 am and I'm inside my car at Bangi. Was supposed to be at RHB by 10am coz there was a request for my presence. 15 minutes drive and 2 tolls later I was here. Parked freaking far and almost had my bumper ripped off again by some discrete rocks. I handed over my HP tag to the guard house in exchange for a flimsy access tag that looked akin to a worn prostitute. Got a bottle of ice lemon tea from the sundry and proceeded to get my ass to 6th floor. I didn't have the access into the office so I took up the extension phone and called, "Hi, I'm here to look for Azizan."
The other end replied "He's not here.".

"How bout Chan then? Is he in?"

"He's not in also." Slammed the phone.

WTF!!!

I frantically took out my mobile and dialled Azizan's number.

"Hi Zan, Dah sampai.."

"Alamak Kenny, u dah sampai? I lupa call u lar. We switched to Menara AA. I supposed to call you last nite but lupalar."

WTF again!!!....

"Tak apalar, I'll meet you in AA at 11am."

"Ok Kenny"

Sigh...walked all the way to guard house, got my hp tag and walked all the way to my car again. I thought to myself. WTF! I 'm gonna eat my bf first. Take my own sweet time. Took out my laptop, plugged in the USB dongle and onlined to send some mail.

Phone rang.

"Hi kenny, It's zan. We have found out the problem and we don't need your services anymore. It's not a Genesys issue after all."

"Oh. Well, the report has nothing to do with Genesys in the first place. It's an IVR report."

"Yala. So you don't need to come to AA lar."

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF!! Sigh. It's 10.34am and I'm in my car in the middle of Bangi on a Thursday morning.

Sigh.

Mojo News: Proton may build world's first Islamic car

Yes, you read rite. Soon we might have Wajas on the road that at not allowed to park near BKT stalls and Gen-2s that has been washed down with sand several times if a stray dog pees on it's wheels. Full read taken from autoblog.com:



What exactly differentiates a car we might think of as "normal" from an Islamic car? For starters, it would include a compass dialed in to always point towards Mecca. It would also feature a storage compartment similar to a glove box for your copy of the Koran. Such a car is being considered for production by Proton, Malaysia's state-owned automaker. It would be developed in cooperation with parties from Turkey and Iran and possibly based on the automaker's Waja sedan, shown above. Proton could use a sales hit, and clearly the Islamic market is one yet to be fully tapped by automakers. We're curious to know whether or not such a vehicle would be seen as pandering to a demographic that's sensitive about its culture, or whether it would be embraced by people of the Islamic faith. Western religions have certainly penetrated car culture, as any person who has christened his center console with a plastic Dashboard Jesus will tell you, though we can't remember a time when Christ was offered as a factory option.

Realization

I realize some things will never work.

I'm not expecting anything out of what I've said and done. The current situation only serves as a point of release for me.

Everything will be fine through the hands of time. No worries.

Thank you for listening and please forget what I've said. Goodbye.

Mojo.

Mojo Lies

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Mojo Rice.

I must admit I have lost abit of momentum on my blog entries. The last few weeks felt a serving of rice. Yes, the white gummy stuff that we all eat everyday and almost every other day. It's not exactly flavorful, almost impossible if you eat it by itself and it's carb rich which means it's fattening. You have rice on a plate then u have the side dishes of chicken, vege and beans. Sometimes I think, on the far side of the world, ppl actually have the order reversed, they have chicken as the main dish, vege, beans and finally and occasionally rice for a side dish. And then sometimes I wonder, which is right and which is wrong?

Rice, the one seed that we eat everyday, we chew and we swallow, but we don't really get any satisfaction out of it. When we finish the last of it, all we get is a full stomach. Well, being full is satisfying but you're not 'really' satisfied, if you get what I mean. It's........normal. So that sum's up my missing periods.......normal. But NO!. I will not tolerate a boring, dull and unadventurous life. I will not tolerate being just another someone. So goes the vigarous gym sessions, the weekly badminton plays and late nites at the pubs, discos and karaokes.

I've been occupied by so many complexities of life that sometimes I can hardly breath. I've been blurred in so many areas that at times, I can't feel myself anymore. It seems the world around me has evolved into an unfamiliar territory. Or issit me that has evolved into someone I no longer recognise.
Who is KL? The good friend? The nice guy? The caring partner? The responsible son? The outgoing guy? The weird stranger? I guess in the eyes of those I never let in, I am always under the wrong perception. Am I've given up explaning myself. I guess that's the reason I never let anyone in. I have my privacy but which privacy comes loneliness.


So I can't get peace of mind. What's the reason behind this whirlwind of thoughts? What's the reason behind all this underlying anger and frustation?

RICe.

Departing Me

Behind the lazy clouds lie a shining moon,
So bright is its glow that no peasant shall be starved of light,
So momentous is its shape that no stranger will be lost,
Moon oh moon,
Send your stars to earth,
For where your light does not touch,
Where your presence cannot be felt,
Lies darkness where souls collide,

Such as the savior of night,
Let your stars be the savior of hearts,
So deep and so dampened the faiths,
Like a painter lost of vision,
A singer lost of depth,
Stuck where the world sees red and blue,

Angels leave in flurry dust,
Their feathers float the air like silent deaths,
As quiet comes in hopes of better time,
Hearts cry at every breath,
Hopes and dreams exhaled,
Only left are we, us and ourselves,

Soon you shall leave,
So shall the bright you bring,
For when the time is right,
The place you hold you shall give,
A different light will come,
One with glaring sun but not as bright,
Gone is not only light,
With light are our desires to take flight

Each of us a moon ourselves,
Vanish will be my days,
In memory and in memory will it remain,
What is left will be replaced,
And so in time all shall heal,
And so there will be no more we, no more we,
What is once we,
Will be a forgotten part of me.

Un-love : Closure

So we put on masks. we become someone else. we disguise ourselves emotionally, take the original, pack it neatly in a box and store it in some dark corner we wont remember. And we go on happily with life wearing our new masks. And we stay happy. Until of course one day, we get bored with the masks we wear and promptly decide to look for something more refreshing. The cycle then begins. We switch and switch and switch until one day we forget who we are. We no longer remember where we stored our original selves. We become lost. We become insecure. We eat ice cream. No..... it gets worst. We look for 'love'. We look for someone to change, someone to satisfy our pygmylion complex. Then we look for someone who can bring to reality our dreams. We look for someone to read our minds and know what want and give it to us even though our deepest desires evades our conscious self. We look for someone to look up to us as heroes, their saviors. We look for emotional support, attention and a cure to our insecurities. We look for all of the stated and conveniently package it into a tidy 4 letter word.

Such an irony when all that we look for, in contradiction, puts us in a position we least want to be....emotionally threatened. I have been holding on to the finish of this 3 part hard-to-understand essay for the past few weeks and I have discovered new light to the dilemma I was in when I started typing the the title of 'Un-love'. I guess at some point in life, we all have to go through being 'emotionally threatened'. I guess in some point in life, we all have insecurities. We live in a world where not being insecure is just a fable. The best we can do is to distract ourselves to the point that we forget the worst of ourselves or our lives. But then again, you as the reader already know that. You have already been in and out of love and you have had your share of broken hearts and fallen tear drops.

Maybe it's the way I was brought up. Maybe I spent too much time alone. Or maybe I'm a super emotionally sensitive cancerian. Whatever it is, I feel that there is no such thing as un-love. You cant control how you feel. The best you can do is to make the best out of it or do whatever you can to influence it. When you're between the lines of love and infatuation, there isn't really anyway get rid the feeling. The only solution: to forget and never remember. But seriously, that not gonna make things better. We may forget but the memory stays in our unconscious self. And sooner or later, make us bitter and angry. My advise.....get closure. Whatever it is that you feel unhappy about, especially on the topic of love....so get closure. Complete the feeling and then... you will be truly happy.

Un-Love : The Origin

So that's just sums up the topic about hate. But today's topic is not about hate. It's about something else. It's about the ability to un-love. Yes, un-love. No, not the the kind that you have your heart broken by infidelity and having to split half your hard earned moolah during the divorce. This is something much more subtle. I'm talking about the fine lines between flaming infatuation, passionate lust and ardent love. There's actually two parts of this; the first being the process of falling in 'love' and the second, what do you do when the feeling's not mutual between two parties. Forgive my ignorance if I contradict the perception of love with the ones that you hold. Forgive me again if the way I express myself in this topic is not as much as clear as a crystal mirror. I try. And considering this my first attempt at exposing my inner thoughts on love, I guess I'm entitled to some lenient judging. On with the show then.

I've read a fair deal on love. I'm sure most of us have and most of us are familiar with the all so popular feeling of falling head over heels over someone. The feeling of someone to hold and to share your ups and down, to feel emotionally secured, the warmth of being cared for, etc etc. And I'm also certain that the familiarity of the downsides of a relationship is also very much evident. The critics of how men are pigs and how women are cold cruel creatures can only reflect on one's depressing past experiences. We as humans in general are emotional creatures. Having state the obvious fact, like any other creatures of the Earth, we are built with self defence mechanisms when threatened. Moths camouflage themselves, frogs secrete deadly fluids, birds take flight. Us humans when threatened physically become hyper aware of our surroundings ready to fight to survive. But unlike insects, amphibians or reptilians, we have emotions. Sometimes I really do think that this gift is more suited to be labeled a curse. So being emotional beings, what do we do when we're emotionally threatened? We ingest ice cream. Tubs of it. Over a period of time. Until our bellies are the size of Mars and finally die of a heart failure at which emotions become irrelevant and thus putting us out of the potential dangers of being emotionally hurt.

Unless you're born with Haagen Daaz imprinted into your DNA that governs your appetite, then most probably the dead fat human wouldn't be you. Matter of fact is that we do get defensive when emotionally threatened. All of us has a invisible shield in which we protect our heart. Be it our feelings for family, friends, lover or something dear to us, we're always alert of things being said to us or thing done in relation to us. It's not a surprise that a simple combination words can cause more pain than a bullet piercing through the heart. At the right time and right place, the right words can make or ruin a person. So we are aware of the deadly consequences and thus we are always on guard. More so if past experiences were not of the best. We become skeptical, we become doubtful, we become fake. We also realize that to be emotionally closed in this society is asking to be cast aside, to be ignored, doomed for solitude. And being social creatures that we are, being in solitude is akin to being slapped in the face and asked to perform hara-kiri.

TBC....

Mojo Shots - Suicide Attempt at KL Tower

Some bunch of ppl with testicles impairments decided that their titanium made balls were too much of a burden to their sex lives so they decided to jump off Kl towers in a bleak effort to soften their sack of balls. :P

it's a bird, it's a plane...no...it's TITANIUS TESTIS!

You can't c me...I'm a cloud...lalala