Cars and Women

I love cars. I cannot but think that cars play a crucial role in my life. So much so that who I am today is because of the cars that have left a tread mark in my life. It's like a love affair that you cannot get out of, an addiction you cannot quit, a set of breasts that you cannot stop staring at. And yes, if cars had breasts and pussy, I'd call them wife, and marry them, and start a happy little family and produce cute little cars. Oh, I can picture then growing up to be successful Formula 1 athletes or environmental friendly prototype machines or even just a noble and trusty people carrier.

But unfortunately, technology hasn't yet caught up to my dreams. Those bastard lab rats in white coats are still masturbating in the toilet over a video of gay porn stored on their mobile phones. YOU SHOULD BE WORKING, YOU IDIOTS!!!

So what would your dream girl be if they were a car? Hopefully not a Proton or a Perodua. You'd have my deepest utmost sympathy if it was. So, without further a due, below is my list of the cars I love and the cars I dread:

Ferrari F430

My GOD, this bitch GOES. She looks like a runway model and shags like a 10-dollar whore. If you want it, she can gif it...anytime, anywhere, anyhow. She has 4 modes; Standard when you're taking her to an classy dance; Wet when you're protecting her from the evil longkang on a wet day; Sports when u get a little naughty and she takes ur for a ride; and finally RACE when u wanna a no-holds-barred; no-strings-attached bitch that'll shag u all night long until u ejaculate blood. But beware, this girl is HIGH MAINTENANCE. Stain her seats and you'll be eat roti canai 3 meals a day for a month.


Honda City

She's not a car. She's a freaking fish with 4 wheels attached to her puny little fins. Her body's out of proportion; notice the shrining head, fat body and tiny legs. She reminds me of the perfect 40-year-old housewife aunty. She's good in the kitchen, cheap to maintain, practical, bla bla bla and absolutely, definitively, conclusively a dull in bed. There's no excitement, no adrenaline, no romance...you might as well be shagging a dead fish.


Toyota Vios

All of the above except that she's a 25-year-old with long hair and the fish part. A personality of a kampung girl trying to make it in the big ugly city. Novice, innocent, pure, virgin...qualities that make u pass up sex and watch the 100th re-run of Harry Potter instead.



Suzuki Swift

The girl next door. She's the girl that you've been secretly loving but never gat the courage to express yourself. She can cook, she takes care of your mother and even looks after your wallet. Your mom loves her, your mother-in-law will love her, and ur frens wont get enough of her. And when it comes to the excitement and power, she'll be the first to pull out the hyper edition of Kamasutra.

Nissan S15

Her savoring eyes, her luscious mouth, her sleek body, her grippy legs...this, my dear friends, is THE CAR. Yes, she's the girl that made your blood pressure spike to insanely levels by just flashing you a smile. This girl can make time stop where ever her foot touches. If you were blind, she'd revive your eyesight just by stopping at the traffic lights. She's expensive but oh if $$ is what you want, then take it. The female counterparts of your family hate her but that's personality. She's temperamental when wet, but baby, I'll do anything u say. She's a whore and ultimately, she's the mistress that every man dream of.


Nissan Sunny


hahaha....this is a joke right? I cannot have possibly thought up this car. Being with her is like an insult. You just wanna dig a big hole and bury her. Actually i cannot even classify this as her. She/He/It looks like a shemale to me. If you're driving a City, most probably you'll be having a bad day. If you're driving a Swift, then your day will most probably be pleasant. But in this, whatever-u-call-it-thing-of-a-car, you wont be having a day. When you get out of a City, it'll be rain; out of a Swift and there's bright clear skies, but when you get out of a whatever-u-call-it-thing-of-a-car, there's nothing, blank, zip, nil. There is just NO WEATHER. You live life in nothingness. Such a classic irony when the name of the whatever-u-call-it-thing-of-a-car suggest otherwise.