Un-Love : To hate

We all know that hate can consume us. The many lessons and advise to forgive and forget has made it a matter of fact that not bearing any feeling of hate is in fact, an upside to our health, our personality and our life. Believe me when I say I've had my fair share of grudges. Dating back to my secondary school years, there was Mr.Ramani, my discipline teacher, who caned me on a few occasions. Now, I wasn't the brightest kid during the time nor was I popular in anyway, but I was definitely not the defiant type. It was just my luck when I was placed in a class full of hooligans and so happens on one occasion the rotan landed on my feet during perhimpunan when the shouts and calls of dear old Mr.Ramani fell on deaf ears. And if that wasn't bad enough, I was again caned for forgetting to bring one of my text books home from school. From then on the feeling of hate embedded itself so deep into my emotional workings that up until the today, I could still remember clearly how I felt so angry not being given a chance or being punished because of my bad luck. It is moments like this that made me hate attending school. I couldnt see the point in attending a organization when the rule and the people enforcing them, in my point of view at that time, only reflected injustice.

Then there were the 'best friends' who seemed like they'd die for you one day and suddenly turned on you for no reason the next. As I got older and wiser, I realised the 'best friends' that I had known throughout my naive years were treating me as a financial pawn. I was a lonely kid then, and having only the interest in the pixelated games, I visited the arcade quite often, after school hours of course. I got so good at it that I eventually started 'financing' 'friends' to join my rather dissipative activity. Eventually they become my 'best friends' out of the result of my own naiveness and when I the fact of it punched me in the stomach, I decided to take action and break ties. I switched school and the rest was history. However, the hatred from them remains and not one day pass by that, frankly, I wished these people would pay dearly for what they've cast upon me during my childhood era. It might be because I'm Cancerian and I'm prone to greater emotional amplification or it might be one of the many traits embedded into my DNA strand. The notion of revenge seemed so strong. Nowadays I just get by this notion by telling myself I'm a much better person because of them and if not for people like these, I wouldn't be where I am today.

TBC......